The Gift of Toilet Paper and a Christmas Wish Come True

What 7-year-old Susie Holland wanted for Christmas in 1972, more than anything, was a Talking Baby Beans doll.  What she got was a heavy helping of humble pie and a story she’d never forget.

My favorite holiday memory may not be like a favorite because it was something good. It’s more a favorite because I was a smirky little second-grader and my dad wanted to kind of put me in my place, you know.

So I wanted for Christmas when I was seven — and this is… I’m going to date myself… this is 1972 — I wanted a Talking Baby Beans doll more than anything. I wanted that so bad.

And so my brother and I would always try to look at the presents and guess what they were — try to see if we could see something through the paper. And I picked out one of my gifts, and I could see it was wrapped in really thin paper. And I could see that it was a Talking Baby Beans box. And I was so… “I know what this is.”

And my dad with a straight face, “That is not what that is.”

“Well, yes, it is.”

“No, you’re getting a roll of toilet paper for Christmas.”

And I was like, “Nah nah.”

And every day, you know, we would be looking and, you know, “I know that’s what it is. I know what—”

“I’m telling you, you’re getting a roll of toilet paper.”

So come Christmas Eve, you know, I’m very smug and “I know what I’m going to get.” And I tear into this package and it is a Talking Baby Beans doll box. “I told you so.” I open it up and it has a roll of toilet paper in it.

And so I have a picture of me holding up a roll of toilet paper. I was so mad. And they didn’t give anything away.

But of course, when Christmas Day came, Santa brought me the Talking Baby Beans doll.

But that is just my dad teaching me not to be so smug.

Happy Holidays!